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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102563">The Downfall of a King, The Rise of a Kingdom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/redriotoperator/pseuds/redriotoperator'>redriotoperator</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Character Study, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Established Relationship, Hajime takes Oikawa as a Last Name, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Iwaizumi Hajime Loves Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime in Love, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Significant Other, Iwaizumi and Matsukawa are Bros, M/M, Oikawa Hajime, Oikawa Tooru Gets Therapy, Oikawa Tooru Has Depression, Oikawa Tooru loves Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Tooru's Inferiority Complex, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Post-Time Skip, Retirement, Sad Oikawa Tooru, cowards, realistic happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:40:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/redriotoperator/pseuds/redriotoperator</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s raining.” </p>
<p>The curtains for the bedroom had been drawn shut for three and a half weeks, a feat that was so unlike his husband. Tooru was always the first one awake, opening the curtains and the blinds to laugh as the sun hit Hajime in the face, always responding to the grumbling with, “The sunshine is the first thing to a happy day!” </p>
<p>“I didn’t realize…”</p>
<p>“You go see Dr. Ennoshita today, right?”</p>
<p>Tooru’s face pinched up, avoiding Hajime’s gaze.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Mentioned - Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Mentioned - Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Mentioned - Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, mentioned - kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi akira</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Downfall of a King, The Rise of a Kingdom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashedmouthtozier/gifts">trashedmouthtozier</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Oikawa Tooru: Forced to Retire at Age 29.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The King of the Monster Generation, Oikawa Tooru, newly turned 29, was forced to retire -- ”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>After a Lifetime of Volleyball, Where Will the King Go Next?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“After collapsing in the middle of a match, Oikawa Tooru -- ”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His chest felt hollow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His leg was throbbing, a dull pain that was slowly fading as the pain medicine kicked in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was lying as his physical therapist instructed him to do so: flat on his back, two pillows under his right knee and calf, keeping the leg elevated. His eyes felt dry, and after a moment or two of blinking, he came to the conclusion that he had spaced out again, gaze focused on the same, blank spot on the ceiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A soft knock on the bedroom door startled him, but he didn’t react.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tooru?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shifting his head, his unfocused eyes fell upon the doorway and caught sight of his husband, a concerned look on his face as he peered inside the dark room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru swallowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Peachy,” He sent a sarcastic peace sign towards Hajime, “No need to worry about me. Go to work, see your team.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime frowned, stepping inside. He was careful as he sat down, making sure his weight didn’t shift the bed or the pillows too much, placing a warm hand on Tooru’s lower thigh, thumb rubbing the tense muscles beneath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not due to be there for another hour. Do you need anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru sighed, feeling the familiar stinging behind his eyelids, moving to rest his right arm over his eyes and forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really, no.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You haven’t eaten since yesterday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. You need to have something in your stomach, the pain medicine will make you feel sick if not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I should just stop taking the fucking pain meds then,” His voice lacked bite, holding too much bitterness and resentment, none directed towards Hajime.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know you can’t do that,” He hung his head down, biting his lower lip before staring at Tooru, wanting nothing more than to take the pain away from his husband, do whatever he could to help him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’m going to go on a run.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tooru…” He kept his voice soft, barely able to keep his own pain out of it, “You know -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I can’t go on a run. I’ll go on a walk then, shit, fuck,” He moved abruptly, roughly dragging his leg from its elevated area as he sat up, freezing as his body tensed in pain, breath labored for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s raining.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The curtains for the bedroom had been drawn shut for three and a half weeks, a feat that was so unlike his husband. Tooru was always the first one awake, opening the curtains and the blinds to laugh as the sun hit Hajime in the face, always responding to the grumbling with, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“The sunshine is the first thing to a happy day!” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t realize…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You go see Dr. Ennoshita today, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru’s face pinched up, avoiding Hajime’s gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rescheduled it for last night actually, just a small check-up, so it was over fast,” He let out a humorless chuckle, “It would be just my luck that my doctor is an ex-crow, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime ignored the attempt at changing the subject, cutting to the point, “What did he say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He moved his hand, softly cupping Tooru’s cheek, the warmth from his skin countering the cold, clamminess of his husband’s face. He watched, anxiety forcing his hammering heart to pump faster, as his husband tensed more, biting his lower lip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not looking good, Hajime,” Tooru sniffled, turning to look at him, brown eyes swimming with tears, “It’s not… I… Even after it all, I’ve been pushing myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tooru -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m not supposed to do- do runs or extremes, but I -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re supposed to keep </span>
  <em>
    <span>off </span>
  </em>
  <span>of your leg, Tooru -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Hajime,” His voice was biting, “You think I don’t? I feel so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>useless, </span>
  </em>
  <span>sitting here every day and waiting for you to come home, from- from </span>
  <em>
    <span>them </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I fucking hate it!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can take time off if you need -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need you to take time off because I’m being dramatic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This isn’t you being dramatic,” Hajime felt weeks worth of frustration and anxiety building up in his chest, wincing as Tooru knocked his hand away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>! And I- fuck, Hajime. I fucking hate this. Volleyball was everything, volleyball was who I was! And it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>taken </span>
  </em>
  <span>from me. It’s how we met, it’s how we made friends, it’s how we made our </span>
  <em>
    <span>names </span>
  </em>
  <span>and it was fucking ripped from my hands and I- I keep being told I may never be able to play again, and to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>sit </span>
  </em>
  <span>here on my ass and do these stretches to even just make sure I don’t have to get surgery. I never </span>
  <em>
    <span>asked </span>
  </em>
  <span>for this!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know how to respond, watching as Tooru clutched the sheets in his fists, body trembling as tears fell freely down his cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want to be… okay,” He choked on his words, “Fuck, why can’t I just get better?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime knew the double meaning behind his husband’s words, the shrill way his voice went up as he scrubbed away his tears. He moved to comfort him, hug him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>something, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but Tooru shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You need to get to work. Tell Shoyou I said hi.” He didn’t wait for a response, shifting slowly to turn on his side, placing a pillow between his legs as he turned his back to the door, to his husband.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime sighed, heart-clenching in his chest, “I love you, Tooru. I’ll get some take out on my way home, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood up, watching his husband’s back for a few more seconds before walking to the bedroom door, gripping the knob tight in his fist. He almost missed the quiet, “I love you too,” sent his way, but he caught it, stopping in his tracks. Sending one last look inside, he left the door cracked, making a mental note to call Ennoshita and see if there was anything he was able to do on his end.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The drive to work was quiet, he turned his radio off, mind far too loud and clouded to focus on a talk show or music. His team consisted of many of the same individuals from the Olympics, the same people who had their asses handed to them back in 2021. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyou and Tobio — somehow, still on the same team, though their competitive streak had yet to die down despite being engaged — Ushiwaka —  now a close friend to Hajime, and though he wouldn’t admit it, to Tooru as well —  Atsumu and Sakusa were still there, and Kotarou, freshly back from his year and a half gap to help settle down his newly founded family, him and Keiji having adopted twins. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru had been looking forward to going up against them again… until about two months ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime and Tooru had been dating since their second year of high school, an awkward confession after years of pining. Their relationship had gone through its own ups and downs, and they had put in work and effort to ensure they were able to work together, mesh, and fall together. After Argentina had won the Olympics, the pair had celebrated, after Hajime helped console his own team, and the pair had decided to elope that night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime took Tooru’s last name, once and all ending the high school nickname as he was now Oikawa Hajime, husband to known Argentina setter, Oikawa Tooru. They stayed on their separate teams, Tooru coming to Japan during the off season and living in their apartment, visiting family and friends after months of phone calls and skype videos.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were happy, the distance caused them pain, but they were making it work. It seemed as though everything between them was going to work out the way they had planned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then came that damn game, Argentina vs. Italy, a game Hajime and the others were watching in the Bokuto household, eating unhealthy foods for once in their training regime. Argentina had taken the first set, and they were up by a good amount.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then Tooru had collapsed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime remembers the panic setting in as he watched his husband, pale and shaky collapse on the hard floor, unmoving as his team and paramedics rushed around him. He had stood up, eyes wide and body trembling as everyone else around him fell silent. The game was postponed, and Tooru hadn’t been on the court since.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His jumper’s knee had resulted in him tearing the tendon. He had been rushed to the hospital, all the way in Italy when Hajime was stuck in Japan. He was able to get a flight, but the hours in between watching his husband collapse and being able to physically hold him were long and painful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tear itself wasn’t the worst it could have been, nothing that called for immediate surgery, and if he worked with physical therapy for the time-aligned, he may not need it at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the weakening of his thigh muscles and the long-lasting pain of the tendon meant that Tooru’s volleyball career was over. He wouldn’t be able to step foot on the court to play again and that broke him; it took away part of his identity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had moved back to Japan, staying in their apartment, being forced to schedule weekly visits to the physical therapist, who just so happened to be a high school rival of theirs. Hajime could only do but so much as he watched his husband’s mental health decline steadily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today’s practice had been cut short, Hajime was too out of it to fully focus and help, and Hinata and Bokuto were too reckless to be without full supervision today. No one was fully complaining, changing and showering, breaking off into pairs, all telling Hajime goodbye, sending their love and best wishes to Tooru.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made good on his promise, stopping by the old bakery on his way home, picking up some milk bread, and sweets before making another stop and grabbing takeout. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but at this point, he was desperate to get his husband to eat a full meal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The apartment was quiet and still when he got back, leaving the bags of food on the kitchen counter, creeping into the bedroom. He wasn’t surprised to see that Tooru had only shifted some, but he was relieved when watched his husband shift, turning his head at the noise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, baby,” Hajime sighed as he spoke, sending a small smile Tooru’s way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shifted, slowly moving the pillows away from his lower body, back resting against the headrest as he sat up. Hajime took that as a cue to enter the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly and cautiously taking Tooru’s hand into his own, twisting their fingers together as he fiddled with his hand, feeling the coolness under his palm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I,” Tooru’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, “I made a call. While you were out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow, “Who’d you call?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You remember… how I used to have a therapist back in Argentina?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded slowly, he had never actually met the man but he remembers stories Tooru would tell him, explaining how it was easier speaking to an unbiased person about all the things he was feeling and experiencing, someone who could help him cope healthily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I decided to look around here… Ennoshita actually encouraged me to do it. I- I made an appointment with someone, she’s a therapist, obviously. I figured… I just,” He sighed, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to find the words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime rubbed his thumb across Tooru’s knuckles soothingly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just… want to feel better. Be… me, again. I’m going to meet with her once a week, starting next week. I settled for a virtual meeting. It’s tiring enough for me to go to Ennoshita once a week and I can only socialize so much right now if I’m being honest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, that’s,” Hajime shifted, pushing his head into Tooru’s line of sight, watching as tired brown eyes locked onto his, “That’s okay. You don’t need to justify virtual meetings, but I’m really proud of you for reaching out to someone, and for booking the appointment.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru huffed through his nose, a watery smile making its way onto his face, and Hajime felt his breath catch in this throat at the sight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t say stuff like that Hajime, you’ll make me cry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime felt like </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>could cry. The small, almost genuine smile on his husband’s face was far from the dazzling, cheek splitting smiles he used to be able to give, but this one wasn’t forced, this one wasn’t fake or sarcastic. He knew the effort being put in was just the beginning, and he would be by his husband’s side for however long he needed, to help however he was able to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got you some milk bread, do you want some?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still not… hungry. But could you get me some water? And some tea? You can eat up here and we can just… sit?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything for you,” He lifted a hand up, brushing some stray curls away from his face, sending a small, comforting smile Tooru’s way, before pushing himself up, heading down to the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>///</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio; the next Volleyball power duo.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“As newly retired Oikawa’s predecessor moves forward in his rankings as setter -- ”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Oikawa Tooru: How is he coping?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you think that this forced retirement is taking a toll on the Oikawa household?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The curtains were parted some, a tiny bit of sunlight peeking through the leftover clouds reflected off of the wooden floor, tiny rainbows littering the walls. Hajime hummed quietly to himself, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie absentmindedly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know if you’re not up to it we could always reschedule?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru looked up from where he had been scrolling through Instagram, sending a tight lipped smile his way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay, besides, haven’t seen those two in a while,” There was a lingering layer of guilt in Tooru’s voice, he had last minute cancelled lunch dates and dinner plans for a few weeks now, and as much as he felt like company would make him cry, he missed his friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know but… still. If you can’t socialize they’ll understand, I’m sure they’ll take any excuse to go home and fuck around anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Crude,” He snorted, turning his phone off, sock clad feet touching down onto the ground as he carefully stood, wincing at the tight feeling of the brace, and Hajime jumped up quickly, prepared to help his husband or let him lean his weight onto him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Relax Haj, I’m okay. I won’t stay up too long,” A knock on the front door echoed through the house, followed by the familiar pattern the duo had invented in high school, “Besides, we have company.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime sighed, following his husband across the living room floor, a worried look in his eyes as Tooru unlocked the front door, side stepping as he made room for the guests.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello Oikawa household,” Takahiro sang loudly, a smug smile on his face that was ruined by the genuine excitement in his eyes, arms stretched outwards as he and Issei walked inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to say that everytime you come here?” Tooru huffed, crossing his arms with a small, sarcastic grin growing on his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well considering Issei and I had to live through all the pining </span>
  <em>
    <span>Iwa-chan’s</span>
  </em>
  <span>, yes, I am going to say it everytime we come here,” He stepped forward, after waiting a brief moment to see if Tooru wasn’t up for physical affection, pulling his friend in for a tight hug, putting as much as his unspoken emotion into the squeeze as he could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We brought drinks,” Issei lifted a plastic bag up, stepping out from behind his husband, “Nothing alcoholic because,” He trailed off, awkwardly shifting where he stood, “Sodas and such.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks man,” Hajime stepped forward, bringing Issei close, feeling the toll of not seeing their friends in so long weighing down on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So how have you been?” The other two had just broken away from each other, though Hiro’s hand still remained firm on Tooru’s arm, a weighted gesture, something the two began doing in high school as a grounding tactic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Better?” Tooru shrugged, running a hand through his newly dried curls, avoiding the eyes on him, “Therapy… both of them… have been helping. I’m not 100% again but given time  —”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one’s expecting you to be 100% in a matter of months, Tooru,” Hajime cut him off, tugging the edge of his husband’s cardigan, “That’s not how any of it works, and you know that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru made a face, nose turning up as he huffed, “I know… ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay to be standing?” Issei’s voice was laced with concern and curiosity, his friends had just recently let them know all of what was happening with Tooru’s mental health and him not following the instructions he had gotten from Ennoshita regarding his knee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been following my recovery plan, don't worry,” His voice was dry, and he sighed, “I’m fine. Let’s go eat and talk about less depressing things okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tooru we —”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” He cut Hiro off, “I’m fine, really. I want to have a dinner night with my idiotic friends who I haven’t seen in what feels like forever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You still call us that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The four made their way inside, Takahiro and Issei taking off their shoes at the front door, chattering and bickering like no time had passed between them, like it was another day in high school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dinner was simple, a pot of vegetable stir fry and now, some sodas to drink. The conversation flowed naturally, the four talking about how their old classmates were doing, teasing Kindaichi and Kunimi as if the two were there, making note to text the pair their congrats after dinner. Takahiro confidently stated that with all the working out he’d been doing lately he could soon fulfill his lifelong dream of beating Hajime at arm wrestling, a claim that left their husbands snickering into their drinks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The topics flowed from banter to serious to joking to practical. Anything and everything was discussed, the food was gone and dessert was on its way out, castella on tiny plates Tooru’s mother had given them when Tooru had come back home months ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Takahiro took the last sip of his drink, placing his empty glass down and turning his gaze on Tooru, “I don’t wanna bring up old conversations… but any idea on what you’re gonna do when you’re able to get back out there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A silence overlapped the four, and Hajime felt his breath catch. It was a topic that he had been wanting to bring up lately, but he’d chickened out every time he thought he found a good opening. He was simultaneously grateful and frustrated that Takahiro had been able to drop the bomb of a question before he was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru sighed, pushing around the half-eaten sweets, appetite having grown smaller in the past few months.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m… not sure. I’ve thought about my options, but there aren’t many. I didn't get a college degree so it wouldn’t be a great high end job, it’s not like I can go back to playing volleyball… ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takahiro and Issei exchanged a look, shifting where they were seated as Tooru sent the pair a strained smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could probably go to college, yeah? Get a degree and do… something else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What else would make you as happy as volleyball did, though?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Issei,” Hajime sat straighter, voice firm, eyes hard as he stared their friend down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hajime,” Tooru cut him off, scoffing at his husband, “Calm down,” He placed a hand on Hajime’s bicep, squeezing before turning back to the other two, “I don’t think there’s any career out there that can make me feel like volleyball made me feel. It was the reason I am who I am and now it’s… gone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could always come work with me?” Hajime was terrified that this topic would result in a relapse or a breakdown, seeing his husband in so much pain hurt him, “You’d have a hand in volleyball, with a national team at that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That caused Tooru to snort, a loud, startled laugh falling from him, moving to cover his nose and mouth to stifle the noise, “I’m sorry… work </span>
  <em>
    <span>with </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ushiwaka and Tobio-chan?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Eyebrows furrowing he watched, no heat in his words or gaze as his husband laughed, a genuine sound, “It’s not a bad job.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Haj, but can you imagine the three of us in the same room? Better yet, me and Miya-chan too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay… scratch that idea then,” Though they were all adults now, Tooru hadn’t fully let go of the rivalry he had with Ushiwaka and Tobio, and the recent sports articles and interviews had fired up his need to beat the pair at something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Hiro cut it, fiddling with his fork, avoiding looking at the pair in front of him, “Issei and I had an idea we wanted to just kinda… throw out there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can laugh in our faces if it’s really stupid,” Issei’s tone sounded almost warning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My husband just suggested I work with three of my biggest rivals, try me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know how you used to help Takeru with his little tykes volleyball training when he was younger?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru nodded slowly, tapping his fingers against the table anxiously, feeling a tightening in his chest as he thought about his time there, remembering the proud look on his nephews face when he had successfully set his first ball properly, a twang of smugness radiating from his as he knew his Uncle Tooru’s at home lessons were the reason he was beating the other kids his age.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, Issei and I were taking Kaito to his first day at soccer camp. He's amazing by the way, better than all the other five year olds out there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I expected nothing less of my nephew,” Tooru snorted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, his teacher was talking about how recently a lot more kids are interested in playing volleyball, due to the rise in our national team and you being… having… I mean -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Having been Argentina’s setter and one of the best in all Japan, don’t try and tiptoe around that statement, it’s fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” He bit his bottom lip, gnawing on it before looking up at Tooru, “There’s a few open positions at a kids’ training school, volleyball specifically. Issei and I thought maybe, if you can’t go back to playing volleyball professionally… you could try your hand at working there? You’d be alongside other teachers, so you wouldn’t be able to show the kids anything extreme, but think about the new generation of volleyball players if they had one of the best setters in the world as one of their childhood teachers?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Issei spoke up, “Obviously it’s just a suggestion. And we don’t even know if your therapist would okay it </span>
  <em>
    <span>now </span>
  </em>
  <span>or even in a few weeks, since you’d have to be standing at least half of the job but —”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it,” Tooru cut him off, “I won’t lie and say the thought has never crossed my mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Before I moved to Brazil after graduation, I had a lot of doubts and anxiety about leaving Japan and leaving all of you behind. I was debating options one night, and I realized the closest thing I had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>playing </span>
  </em>
  <span>volleyball was when I was teaching Takeru and his friends. Obviously I was fine after and ended up pursuing my professional life but… ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He trailed off, eyes unfocused as he stared at one spot on the table, worrying his lip between his teeth. Takahiro deflated in his seat, eyes flicking between Tooru and Hajime, unsure of what to respond with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we should head out,” Issei stated, taking his husband’s hand in his, soothing his thumb across Takahiro’s knuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That snapped Tooru out of his stupor, eyebrows furrowing, “I’m- I’m sorry, you two don’t have to  — ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault Tooru, we told the babysitter we would be home at 8 so we have about 25 minutes to get home,” He stood up, taking his and Hiro’s plates, “Believe me, we’d spend all the time you’d allow with you two, who else would we annoy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime snorted, crossing his arms with a shake of his head, “That’s putting it lightly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takahiro smiled, a soft, barely there look of fondness on his face, “For what it’s worth, I think you’d do really well Tooru.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks Hiro… shame your kid chose the one sport I suck at.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh now he’s telling us that instead of a soccer player he wants to be a book writer, so he might be changing careers so often he’ll end up in your department.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two snorted, conversation falling back into an easy lull as Hajime and Issei cleaned up their dessert plates, rinsing off the excess food and placing the only slightly dirty dishes down gently, Hajime assuring his friend he’d clean them later tonight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, next time you’re up to it you two can have dinner at ours. Kaito made an entire box full of drawings and cards for you two, so say goodbye to the empty fridge space while it lasts.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I shall cherish every drawing of me done by that little angel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Angel huh?” Takahiro snorted, waiting for Issei to finish shoeing up, “God, he really has you two fooled doesn’t he.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their goodbyes ended up lasting a bit longer than anticipated, only broken as Issei received a text asking if the pair were heading home now, realizing they were due back in ten minutes. They rushed out the door, telling the pair they’d text when they got home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Oikawa household fell into a comfortable silence, Hajime heading to the kitchen to clean the leftover dishes, Tooru clearing off the table and putting away the dried pans, humming lightly to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you,” He cleared his throat, voice rough as he turned to his husband, “Do you think it would be a good thing to try?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The… kid volleyball teaching?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru nodded, shifting his weight onto his left leg, hip against the counter as he twisted his fingers around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… think it would be something good to try. Volleyball, like you said, made you who you are. It’s a part of you, I’m pretty sure somehow it’s in your DNA. And I know you would never fully give it up,”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stepped forward, cupping his husband’s jaw, thumb pressing against his cheek bone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I think you like kids, and having the satisfaction of teaching people new skills. You were our captain for many reasons, that being one of them. Overall, this is up to you, but if you want my opinion, I don’t think it would hurt to try. You can always bring it up with Ennoshita and Satoko. See if physically you’re ready to do it, and mentally if it would be good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru nodded, a tired look taking over his face. Hajime tilted his head, sighing through his nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it something you think you’d want to try?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I think so?” He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, “I want to do something, Hajime,” The vulnerable look in his eyes was back, his bottom lip trembling momentarily, “I can’t.... I can’t just give everything up, I don’t feel like me. I don’t feel… whole, and I know that might sound stupid— ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing about the way you feel is stupid. Nothing, okay? No matter what you decide to do, I will do everything I can to be by your side, to be here for you. No matter how much time you need, no matter how many dead ends you feel like you hit, I’m here for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru nodded, watery eyes staring up at his husband, every fear of not being good enough, every anxiety inducing thought of having wasted away his life melting away as he took in the look of determination and love in Hajime’s eyes. He knew good days would only last but so long, and he knew they’d be scarce and far between for Lord knows how long, but right then, right there, he knew Hajime would be next to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>///</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Oikawa Hajime: The Life Behind Japan’s Physical Trainer</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do any of us truly know how Oikawa Tooru is fairing? It’s been a few months since he was forced into retirement -- ”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>The Insider of Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio’s Engagement</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who's going to replace the King of the court, become Japan’s top setter -- ”</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Warm rays of sunlight were what Hajime woke up to, the first thing he felt was the stinging in his joints, the tenseness in his muscles. Eyes blearily opening he felt a soft pounding in his head, taking a moment to focus on what was happening around him. He caught sight of his husband, socked feet padding around the room softly as he changed into outfits Hiro forced him to purchase for his new job.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mornin’.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru jumped, placing a hand over his chest as he huffed, sending a half smile Hajime’s way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning, you’re up early.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ ‘S bright,” He yawned, stretching his arms above his head, taking note of the curtains, pulled half way open, allowing some of the early morning light to enter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I just,” He ran a hand through his freshly washed hair, curls bouncing back as he let his arm fall heavily to his side, “I wanted to open them some, at least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime smiled, sleepy and bleary, but the pride and happiness that he felt flowing through his veins was enough to wake him up more, sitting up on the bed, covers falling to his waist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’s work been treating you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru snickered, pulling his new shirt over his head, and Hajime chose to be quiet about the chosen color, though the shade of blue looked far too familiar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had a new kid join recently, you should have seen his dad’s face when he saw who one of the teachers was.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The other parents calm down?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“More or less,” He sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back so his head was laid in Hajime’s lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this making you happy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A beat of silence passed over the pair, Tooru swallowing heavily, “Yes? I mean… not as happy as I was actually playing, but teaching kids and playing professionally are two different things… But I do feel better, in a sense.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime smiled, leaning forward to press his lips softly against his husband’s forehead, lingering for a moment before sitting up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You think you’ll stick to it longer?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru hummed, “Probably. I like my kids, and the parents are… so-so. Satoko says it’s been good for me, doing something I love in a way that isn’t killing me, and physical activity is supposed to help depression. Ennoshita says I’ve been taking enough breaks and not pushing my limits so I haven’t been fucking up my knee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to know you’ve been listening to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been listening to him for the past few months, excuse me,” Tooru scrunched up his nose, a faux annoyed look crossing his face before he mellowed out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Time to leave?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you should go back to sleep, I know Bo-chan’s been straining himself at practice, which means </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>been straining yourself as well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime groaned at the mention of Bokuto’s intense new training ideas, “Yeah, I’ll probably sleep an hour or so longer then make breakfast. I love you, have a good day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you too,” He sat up, stretching his legs forward before standing, sighing as he felt the familiar lack of motivation washing over his body, limbs feeling heavier as he forced himself to move, the exhaustion of forcing himself to stick to a simple morning hygiene routine taking a toll on days like these.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His old knee supporter was replaced with a brace, something he wasn’t needing to wear as often, but days where he was at the training school and forced to stand more than sit it was greatly needed. There were times, normally towards the end of a class, where he could feel his thigh muscles straining under his weight, needing to take a seat to ensure he didn’t collapse. He can’t give his friends and husband a scare like that again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The school he ended up going to was close to their apartment, and he worked primarily with younger kids, a mixed group of 5 and 6 year olds, loud and rambunctious, energetic and all eager to show off the skills they were working on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru enjoyed his new job, he did. He’d been working there for almost three months now, Hiro having texted him the number of the organizer, though it took him almost a month a half to reach out. It had been six and a half months since he had collapsed, a little over five months of physical and mental therapy. He knew they were helping, he could pad around the apartment on his days off, trying his hand at different hobbies to keep his sanity in check — he had started reading a few books, looking into different pets they would be able to adopt that fit within their lease (he had his heart set on a hedgehog), he’d started tutoring Takeru on Monday evenings, they had a three hour video call where they would study and do homework and talk and joke the way an uncle and nephew could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His class had three teachers, each with their own special skills that were volleyball oriented. He was the specialist for serving, him and Akitomo sharing the teaching of setting, and Hoshi helped with receives and spiking. They didn’t have a huge class, now at twenty kids who fumbled over their own two feet with a large amount of enthusiasm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The parents had calmed down recently, not hanging around for the hour and a half class as much anymore, no longer pestering Tooru with questions that were far too invasive. The newest dad was surprised to see who one of the teachers was, shell-shocked and looking like a fish out of water as Tooru had greeted them at the door, causing Akitomo and Hoshi to snicker as the man stumbled over his words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oikawa-sensei?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snapped out of his thoughts, focused gaze moving from the ball in his hands to look down at Hina, a tiny blonde girl who was determined to become Japan’s best female libero.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello Hina, you did very well today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She beamed, digging her toe into the ground as she fiddled with her fingers. Tooru put the ball under an arm, tilting his head to take in her anxious appearance. He squatted down as much as he could, a twinge in his muscles as he knelt to her level.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong sweetie?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think girls can play volleyball?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course they can, anyone can play volleyball if they want.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pouted, bottom lip quivering, far too intense emotions bubbling in her, “My brother said volleyball was only for boys.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that’s not right. Has your brother ever seen you play?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shook her head, ponytail whipping back and forth violently, “He has chest club.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chess club?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A nod, and he sighed, placing the ball on the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing </span>
  </em>
  <span>at volleyball Hina, if you want to play volleyball when you’re a grown up, you’ll do so good, any team will be lucky to have a libero like you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shyly smiled, peeking up at him through his lashes, “Even as a girl?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew girl teams who could easily beat my old professional team, it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl. You have the skill and determination.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s determination?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He puffed his cheeks up, mulling through his head to figure out the best way to describe the word to a five year old.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like… you know how you really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to play volleyball? And do the receiving like how Hoshi showed you? So you keep talking about how you always think about practice and want to come back more? That’s kind of like determination, something you really want to do and keep doing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She mouthed the word ‘oh’ softly, nodding to herself as she took in his words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have determination to be a libero!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed, ruffling her hair gently, standing up, pausing as he felt the blood rush through his legs, “That you do! And, I think you’ll become one of the best liberos that Japan has ever seen.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes widened a fraction, awe shining through as a grin lit up her chubby cheeks, hands clapping together once, “Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really really,” He felt himself relax, straightening up, containing a wince as her bright eyes remained on him as he moved, “You’re gonna do amazing Hina, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thanked him, a quick and choppy bow as she raced off to her friends, hands flying about wildly as she started laughing at something one of them said. A quiet cough caught his attention, and the jump he did sent a twinge of sharp pain up his leg, gone within moments as he turned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hina’s mother was standing near him, a fond smile on her face, arms clasped behind her back, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He waved her off, “No worries.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was a sweet woman, her husband used to be a high school volleyball coach in Himeji, before the family had moved here due to her business location shifting. He was very excited that his youngest wanted to play volleyball like her dad used to, and was even more excited when he learned that Oikawa Tooru was one of his daughter’s teachers. Her mother, however, had little to no clue about volleyball, and was just proud at how hard her daughter was working.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m doing alright, therapy is going well and I’m not pushing my limits so now I just have to trust that gravity isn’t going to spite me again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed lightly, stepping closer to him as he joked, “Well I’m glad you’re feeling better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled, nodding a thanks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, by the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What for?” He cocked his head, a confused grin on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For what you said to Hina, she’s been so excited to talk about her classes here that she sometimes… takes the spotlight from her siblings. Her brother, Haru, got jealous and snapped at her one dinner. We tried talking to him but I think he’s just really upset. She’s been down since then though…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru turned to look at the group of kids, having now moved to play tag, laughing and giggling as they ran, voices high and shrill. The sight warmed his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get that, sometimes when people are mad or upset they lash out without true meaning behind it, and sometimes saying sorry can be hard. She’s very talented,” He turned back to her, nodding, “She has raw talent and determination.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand the terms you all use, but I’ve watched a few high school games and professional ones to figure out. The one that wears a different color, that’s the libero?” He nodded, “That’s what she wants to be. And she’s good, for her age and all. I don’t expect my five year old to be on par with the Olympic players.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They laughed, a light-hearted sound, and as Tooru stood there he realized the mention of professional playing or the Olympics didn’t strike that one nerve in his chest that felt directly connected to his knee. He didn’t feel like tightening up a smile and ending the conversation under some lie that he had to call his husband. He could laugh at the joke she made, lighter than he had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So how old are yours?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked, snapping back to reality, “I’m sorry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was her turn to look confused, “Your kids. You do have children, don’t you? I just assumed… you’re very good with children so I thought you and your husband had children at home, past experience.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru could feel his face heat up, warmth stretching from his nose, across his cheeks, to the tips of his ears. Hajime and the others used to tease him on how easily flustered and embarrassed he was, and for the most part he could play it off. This question however, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>question</span>
  </em>
  <span> — </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- uh. N-No, Hajime and I,” He cleared his throat, fingers continuously brushing the same stray curl from his face, “Children weren’t really… in our plan? Honestly I was still supposed to be on the Argentina team now, and children wouldn’t fare well with one dad being in Japan and the other in South America.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry… I had just assumed -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No no, you have no need to apologize,” He waved her off, “It just… the question caught me off guard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could feel that his heart rate had picked up, hammering away at his chest like tiny fists, and he could feel his hands trembling, crossing his arms to hide this fact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to head home now, she’s got homework she’ll need to tackle. I,” She faltered, “It may not be my place to say entirely, but… I think you’d be a good dad. You and your husband, you’re already amazing with kids,” She smiled lightly, patting his bicep, a ghost like, lingering touch, “If you ever chose to have kids, that is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded at her, watching as she made her way over to Hina, crouching down to talk to her daughter. He watched the two interact, a tight feeling in his chest as the two giggled, standing up and walking out the gym hand in hand. The other students rushed to him one by one, telling him and the other coaches goodbye, hugging them with their tiny arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a while he and Hoshi stood in the gym, all equipment cleaned up and placed away, ready for other people to come in and use the area how they needed. Tooru had been quieter than normal, mind reeling and remaining blissfully blank all at once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snapped his head up, quirking an eyebrow at Hoshi who shifted their weight from foot to foot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, why do you ask?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was his turn to be on the receiving end of the skeptical look, and they huffed, the noise a mixture of annoyance and fondness, “Cause since Hina’s mom talked to you, you look like you’ve swallowed a lemon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru let out an offended squawk, sputtering with a pout present on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>look like that!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hoshi laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You do! You only look like that when you’re overthinking something,” Their gaze turned serious, “Did she… did she </span>
  <em>
    <span>say </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything to you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The implication was clear there, and the clear, raw protection in their eyes was enough to stump Tooru where he stood, before he was able to shake his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Well, she did. But it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad </span>
  </em>
  <span>per say,” He shook his head, “I’m just… overthinking. I’ll bring it up to Hajime tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there anything I can do to help?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled and shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, like I said it was nothing bad. Just made me consider some things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Hoshi looked unconvinced, but dropped the subject, bidding Tooru a goodbye as they left, meeting up with their girlfriend on the walk to their car, and Tooru smiled at their backs, a sense of tranquility rolling over him as he made his way to his own car.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The drive home was quiet, as it normally was when he left work. The radio played soft tunes in the background, it had been a few months since he had finally turned off the sports station, discussing with Satoko and coming to the conclusion that listening to his old volleyball sports announcements wasn’t helping his mental health. The music was a nice change of pace, and a welcomed one at that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sun was hidden by lingering gray clouds, thin and wispy as they were blown slowly with the wind, creating long shadows and shapes that darkened the world for a few moments at a time. It was nice weather in Tooru’s opinion, not too bright or hot, but not too cloudy and dark. It took him a while to get readjusted to being out and about in the day time, feeling the warmth of the sun’s rays on him, and sometimes it got quite overwhelming. Days like this were nice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The weather had remained rather stagnant by the time he was parking at their apartment, briskly walking up the stairs, unfocused and moving on autopilot as he passed the small gardens his neighbor was growing, birds chirping here and there. He unlocked the front door, the jingling of his keys and unlatching of the lock almost echoing in the empty hall, and he entered, being welcomed by the smell of food cooking, and his stomach grumbled and churned all at once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haj?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He heard a grunt in response, a few clanging pots, before he saw the face of his husband peering around, green eyes settling on him with a fond smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome home, Tooru. How was practice today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He struggled with his shoes for a moment, leaving them near the door, “It was alright, Akina decided she wanted to try and serve today and ended up hitting herself in the head with the ball.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I remember you doing something similar when we were younger.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru snorted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll have you know even as a child I was filled with the utmost grace and poise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Call it what you will, in my words it was clumsiness.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My own husband,” Tooru’s voice was dry, humor still present as he moved to lean against one of the counters, watching as Hajime stirred the food, lowering the flame on the stove top as he hummed quietly to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured, if you wanted, tonight we could -- ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want kids?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru had only seen Hajime speechless with a certain level of fluster a few times before in their life. The first time when the pair had accidently confessed to each other, faces red and eyes wide as they waited with baited breath, hearts hammering in their chest. The second when he had blurted out how much he wanted to marry Tooru when they spent their first intimate night together, body tensing and doing its best to cave in on itself after the statement tumbled from his lips. The third was softer, after they had eloped and had gone out for a very late dinner, staring at their rings and being unable to keep their eyes off of each other, and Tooru had called him Oikawa Hajime for the first time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time was much more violent, Hajime’s hand twitching aggressively, spatula knocking out a spoonful of the curry onto the ground, steaming potatoes and carrots narrowly missing Tooru’s toes. His eyes were wide, left hand gripping the handle of the pot so tight his knuckles quickly paled, turning white under the intensity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment Tooru felt panicked, they hadn’t discussed children since they </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>children themselves, and he was worried his question struck a nerve. He did his best to back track, stumbling over his words as he felt something akin to bile rising in his throat at his husband's silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean — I know we talked about it forever ago, but everything was so different, and today at work — well I was just thinking but it’s stupid,” He started picking at the skin on his bottom lip, gaze turning away to stare out the kitchen, “ ‘S stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not,” Hajime’s voice sounded choked off, tight and shaky, “It’s not a stupid question. Not at all,” He turned, green eyes heavy and piercing as Tooru had to physically force himself from shuddering, turning his look anywhere else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you? Want kids, that is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged, arms crossing over his chest, feeling open and vulnerable under his husband’s gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dunno. I wouldn’t… </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>want kids.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you,” Hajime cleared his throat, licking his lips, “Would that be… Would it be good? Now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I — ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knows what Hajime meant, it was the only thing on his mind during his drive home. The past few months had been hard on Tooru, hard on Hajime, on their family and friends. His mental health hadn’t plummeted so far before; his breakdown in middle school paled in comparison. Was it a good idea to consider adoption with him still on the path to healing? To add what could be a year and a half of stress with all the adoption papers and fees? A surrogate? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” He finally settled on an answer, sucking his lips in, pondering the question, “I don’t. But… There are a lot of things we don’t — we don’t know. And if we were to… adopt, the process can take months if not years. And we can’t just — just </span>
  <em>
    <span>jump </span>
  </em>
  <span>into it. But I think I want to think about it? Talk about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence fell over the two, and Hajime nodded slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t lie and say… that I haven’t thought about it before. But with you being in Argentina and me being here I figured… ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wasn’t the best time or situation to raise a child?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I’ve had the same thought. But I’m home now and we’re together. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Together </span>
  </em>
  <span>together, that is. And I’ll be honest, the idea of being someone’s dad sounds… terrifying. I have so many issues to work on how would I help someone else?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You say that as if it’s not all you did growing up, putting others before you in any way you could.” Hajime took his hand, thumbs caressing Tooru’s knuckles, pads calloused and warm, “You’re giving and loving to a fault, you give more than you take and when you do take you feel selfish.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hajime —”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me finish, Tooru. Please,” He faltered, before falling silent, and Hajime took it as his cue to continue,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You give your all to anything you try, to anything you do. It’s what — it’s what led you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>this,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He gestured to his right leg, “You put 200% into everything, and I don’t even think you fully realize this. Your studies, volleyball, friendships, us. You work to be perfect and you don’t realize yet how you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>already </span>
  </em>
  <span>as perfect as you can be to me, to your family, to our friends. And if we had a child… you’d be as close to a perfect dad as one can be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru swallowed, feeling overwhelmed as Hajime struggled to continue, eyes fluttering about as he huffed, narrowing his gaze as he looked up, “You’d be an amazing dad, and you’re thinking of it as if you’d be alone. You’d have me, your family, my family, our friends… ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I want to have kids. A kid? With you,” Tooru cut him off, forcing the statement out quickly, licking his lips, “I want to do everything I can with you and I know we don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have a kid to be a family but I- I think I want to? Or at least try. Fostering? Adoption?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime laughed, soft and deep, warm and comforting, “Can you imagine how spoiled a child raised by us would be?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru snorted, “Spoiled. Loved.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Those two aren’t synonyms of each other. But, yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru twisted Hajime’s wedding ring around on his finger, the cool metal warming up under his touch, “A kid, Hajime,” His voice was barely above a whisper, “You think we’d be able to do that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing the two of us can’t do together,” He brought his free hand up, cupping the curve of Tooru’s jaw, and he melted, tilting his face into Hajime’s palm, lips brushing the skin as he peppered soft kisses where he could reach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened his eyes, ready to respond with something equally as sappy and soft, or just gaze at his husband, but his eyes were instantly widening as he took notice of the rest of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hajime the curry!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>///</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Oikawa Tooru and Hajime: Forming A League of their Own</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Kageyama, as someone who grew up with the Oikawas, do you think adoption at this point in their life is something smart for them to do?” “I think what they do is none of your business.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Bokuto Koutarou: Moving Up as Japan’s Best Spiker</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is balancing your personal life as a dad and your public life as one of the top spikers a difficult feat?” “Sometimes? When I play I’m only ever thinking of my husband and kids so… They’re not too separate when it comes down to it.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What if the blankets aren’t soft enough?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thirty minutes ago, the concern Tooru was showing for such trivial things would have been endearing, soft, a true reflection on who he was. Now, however, Hajime was seconds away from throttling his husband.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If she doesn’t like the sheets and comforter, we can just replace them, Tooru.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He received an incredulous look from his husband, but remained stoic, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. Tooru eventually sighed, biting his thumb, foot tapping where he stood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it’s that simple but… I just want this to be a perfect weekend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This isn’t the first time she’s stayed over,” He stepped closer, palm fitting warmly onto the small of his husband’s back, pulling him so there was barely an inch of room between the two, “And it won’t be the last, you know this, remember.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I know, I just—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want it all to be perfect,” Hajime cracked a smile, head tilting as he gazed at his husband, “We both do. But parenting is a learning process, and she’s a girl with a lot of opinions.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru snorted, “Who knew five year olds were so opinionated?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pause, before Hajime’s eyebrows furrowed, “You did. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>work </span>
  </em>
  <span>with five year olds.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but I never </span>
  <em>
    <span>lived </span>
  </em>
  <span>with them. The most I saw and heard was them complaining over their bento boxes or wanting a puppy. Now we have one whose here almost every other weekend, and soon she’ll be living with us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m the one she likes to break.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah well,” Tooru stepped back, out of his husband’s reach, eyes light and playful, “It doesn’t take much to break your will, Hajime. You crumble under the gaze of puppy eyes, it’s always been your weakness.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why you —”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru let out a loud peel of laughter, side stepping Hajime’s softly sent smack, and scurrying out of the guest room turned kids room and into the living room, sock covered feet light against the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you think she’ll want for dinner tonight? She didn’t sound sure over the phone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime huffed, following after his husband.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever it is I know I’ll have to bribe her to eat her vegetables as per usual.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just promise her something in return.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dessert cannot be an everynight thing Tooru,” He had a hard time keeping his laughter in check at the almost offended tone in Hajime’s voice, “Besides when you two have sugar in your systems, you become way too hyper, and she’s five. She still has a bedtime.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tooru blew a raspberry at his husband, moving to sit on the couch, feet tucked in under him, “A few minutes later won’t hurt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m starting to think I should put </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>on a bedtime schedule too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, I already have my schedule set and followed,” Tooru rolled his eyes, “And Satoko thinks this new one is better for me, so,” He shifted awkwardly, weight switching from foot to foot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hajime nodded, watching as his husband seemed to space out for a moment, absentmindedly picking at the skin on his lower lip, eyebrows furrowing as he focused on whatever topic his brain had brought up, and Hajime was ready to step forward, ease Tooru’s concerns or insecurities.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think if we sweet talked Koushi we could get a discount on schooling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>sweet talk him maybe,” Hajime laughed lightly, stepping forward, gently taking Tooru by the elbow, pulling him closer, soft smile forming on his lips, “I think he’d think the world was ending if I did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just more charming.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” He tilted his head forward, lips softly brushing against Tooru’s, pulling back so their foreheads were pressed together, green eyes unwavering as he stared into his husband’s brown ones, every ounce of love and admiration on view, unashamed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reaction was instant, Tooru’s cheeks turning pink, nose scrunching up and eyes narrowing, “You’re charming too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Enough to land me you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” He snorted, pulling back, palm brushing down Hajime’s bicep, intertwining their fingers together, “You used to capture beetles and make mud pies when we were kids and I was still determined to be your friend. You grew into your charms.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A knock on the front door interrupted their moment, their smiles growing. Tooru was the first to move, steps light and bouncy as he walked to the front door, pausing and motioning for Hajime to follow suit. He did so, hand reached out to take Tooru’s, hearing the quiet murmur of their </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>daughter outside talking to the adoption agent. A warm feeling grew from the center of his chest as the door opened, sunrays bursting inside, caressing his husband’s face, his eyes sparkling and iridescent. Tooru’s happiness was as warm as the sun, and Hikari’s excitement was just as bright.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>///</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“ —any plans to get back into the professional business?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t think so. My time of being a professional volleyball player is over, to say the least. I had my time, many opportunities and great people come into my life. What happened was… really only my fault, mixed with the cruel way the world works. It’s been almost two years since I was forced to retire, and I genuinely thought I’d never find something that makes me feel so… me as playing on the court did. But I have.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“How are you doing lately, if you don’t mind my asking?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Physically, or emotionally?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bit of both?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Physically I’m better. If I strain myself one day I’ll feel it the next, and my right leg is still a bit weaker muscle mass-wise, but being off your foot for months will do that to you. Emotionally… It’s a work in progress. Depression isn’t something that goes away as quick as we wish it would. I still go to therapy, for my mental health and physical health, and it helps. A lot, honestly. Some days are amazing, I feel as if you could tell me anything and nothing could bring my mood down. Some days I wake up and can only question why I’m… still here, still alive. But I have new outlets, new coping mechanisms, I have people I can go to, cherish and hold that remind me, okay for now, </span>
  </em>
  <span>this </span>
  <em>
    <span>is why I’m here.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m very glad to hear you’re getting help, I started therapy a few months ago myself.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Did you now? That’s very good to hear, I hope it’s going well for you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you, it’s going quite well. Now, Tooru, as the once King of the Court, sorry I — the queue cards — ”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s no problem really, I think Shouyou and Tobio still have my name in their phones as such.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh? Well, anyway, you had, and have, such a massive following, social media, children who have posters of you on their walls, teens who watch your old games and strive to be like you, I know Seijoh is going to nationals this year.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m very proud of them.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Against Karasuno, as fate would have it. Do you have any advice or words of wisdom for the upcoming generation of volleyball players?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“ … I used to have a motto, in high school. If you’re going to hit it, hit it ‘till it breaks. I still think it’s fitting, cause to me, it meant if you were going to try something, </span>
  </em>
  <span>really </span>
  <em>
    <span>try it, you needed to put your all in. Because at the end of the day, your best effort </span>
  </em>
  <span>is </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough, no matter how you feel or what you think. I didn’t really believe that at the time, however, and would push myself. Too far, really. My own actions were the downfall of me, of my time on the court.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You can put everything you’re able to into something, a sport, writing, art, music, whatever it may be, but you may meet someone whose better, more naturally talented, has more funds and an easier way to get to where you are striving. When that happens, breathe. Another person’s life, another person’s accomplishments do not diminish your own. You cannot continuously compare yourself to someone else, for friendly rivalry, it isn’t so bad. But when it becomes detrimental to your health, physical, emotional, mental. It’s not worth it. At the end of the day, you’re still you. Still going to have many things to face, obstacles to overcome. Focus on yourself, don’t break yourself to get where you need.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I didn’t listen to that, and it became my downfall. The downfall of the King of the Court: harsh, cold, and painful. If you see yourself in me, in how I was or am, know this. You may be the King or Queen, or just the ruler of the court. But that doesn’t mean you’re alone doing so. You’re never facing a team or an opponent alone, the team with the better six is stronger. Remember, a ruler, a King, a Queen, rules with their kingdom, as well as over it. Don’t let yourself fall by yourself, but rise with your team, both on and off of the court.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
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